I will diminish and go into the west and remain Galadriel

Ok....time for some painful honesty.

I, more than anyone I know, long for external approval.

Nicole Nordeman said "I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me...I enjoy an accolade like the rest..."

For some reason my whole life has been spent chasing favor like she described. When I was a high schooler, I longed to be myself yet be accepted. In college I was lucky to find a few guys who were either quirky like me, or mature enough to appreciate my quirky nature from their normal perspective. In the "professional" world, it's been a bit tough. I don't feel like I fit the mold of what a high school teacher should look like or act like. Administrators have mistaken me for students countless times....and some have definitely talked down to me like I indeed was a student. I feel a bit like Pete Mitchell from Top Gun with the way I teach...like I've always got something to prove in the classroom. My methods are a bit unorthodox, my dress a bit hippie, my grip on the whip of discipline a bit different from most...

In fact this desire to please has led me to basically stretch myself thin like Bilbo Baggins because of all the extra tasks I take on. I feel like saying "no" will mean that people won't like me...won't think I'm "cool"...won't remember me.

So...in effect...I have distributed my attention to so many places at once that I can no longer keep a grip on all of them...and I truly begin to suck at everything. Now that's what you call ironic.

I've got to stop this clinging to affection and attention with white knuckles. I have to quit trying to please my "superiors" so much by all the extras I try to take on...and simply focus on doing a good job at what is expected of me in the first place.
So, if you need me to help out with your cause, I'm busy. If there's something that you'd like me to do this Saturday night, sorry. I've got a hot date with my wife.

Therefore, I hereby title this year "the year of no"...in an effort to make my life...and more importantly, my family's life, "a year of yes".