"hook it to hell and gone"

This was the quote from "The Legend of Bagger Vance" when Will smith's character was telling Matt Damon's character to go ahead and hit the ball into the water so that he could forget about the score and enjoy the rest of the golf game without any pressure.

This week marked that magical time for me when all the highschool kids come pouring back into H-2 at Spring Valley. This is, in fact, the last crop of kids that will finish a course in H-2...since the 70's...as Spring Valley is in the middle of the construction of a new building...but I digress...

I hit up my bio kids pretty hard this week on one of the more boring, arduous units in biology on Photosynthesis and Respiration...it's mostly memorizing molecular pathways without gaining much holisting understanding of what goes on....I try and maximize their holistic understanding while minimizing the mundane memorization, but it's still a tough unit. This year is the first time I've done it on the front end of the semester.

Hopefully the result will be similar to "The legend of bagger vance" in that the kids will enjoy the rest of the term once this bear of a first unit is under their belts.

I will diminish and go into the west and remain Galadriel

Ok....time for some painful honesty.

I, more than anyone I know, long for external approval.

Nicole Nordeman said "I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me...I enjoy an accolade like the rest..."

For some reason my whole life has been spent chasing favor like she described. When I was a high schooler, I longed to be myself yet be accepted. In college I was lucky to find a few guys who were either quirky like me, or mature enough to appreciate my quirky nature from their normal perspective. In the "professional" world, it's been a bit tough. I don't feel like I fit the mold of what a high school teacher should look like or act like. Administrators have mistaken me for students countless times....and some have definitely talked down to me like I indeed was a student. I feel a bit like Pete Mitchell from Top Gun with the way I teach...like I've always got something to prove in the classroom. My methods are a bit unorthodox, my dress a bit hippie, my grip on the whip of discipline a bit different from most...

In fact this desire to please has led me to basically stretch myself thin like Bilbo Baggins because of all the extra tasks I take on. I feel like saying "no" will mean that people won't like me...won't think I'm "cool"...won't remember me.

So...in effect...I have distributed my attention to so many places at once that I can no longer keep a grip on all of them...and I truly begin to suck at everything. Now that's what you call ironic.

I've got to stop this clinging to affection and attention with white knuckles. I have to quit trying to please my "superiors" so much by all the extras I try to take on...and simply focus on doing a good job at what is expected of me in the first place.
So, if you need me to help out with your cause, I'm busy. If there's something that you'd like me to do this Saturday night, sorry. I've got a hot date with my wife.

Therefore, I hereby title this year "the year of no"...in an effort to make my life...and more importantly, my family's life, "a year of yes".

cabin fever

This week I've been a shut-in. I left this last week before work starts back completely open on the calendar in hopes that I'd have a "last hoorah" of the summer in the great outdoors.
Instead, the early August heat wave has blown its hot humid breath in my face and caused me to backstep into my living room, shutting a seemingly permanent door on the rest of the world. Literally, I left the house for about 3 hours today....and other than my tai chi class last night...that's all I've been out all week. I don't think I can remember the last time in my life when I was a shut-in this bad.

Another crack at it...

So my real job is soon to begin again.

I'll inevitably have the first-day-jitters like most other teachers have when the kids come back each year. I've been told that if you don't get that nervous feeling at the beginning of each school year, you may as well go ahead and hang it up and go for a "normal" job.

Hopefully, though, this year will be much more effective than last year. I'm older now, wiser now, fatter now...and that's got to count for something right? I feel like I've prepared more along the lines of "long term planning" this year than I have in the past in an effort to provide the kids with a complete package of self-acquired knowledge from now until December. For example in my Forensics class, I've prepared a fictional case with real evidence to be processed that begins on day one and will be solved in December. Every unit we cover in the class will be tied back to the case we're trying to solve. When the kids leave, they'll take with them a disc that houses all the evidence items, witness statements, pictures, labs, etc. that they needed to solve the case.

In Biology, I'm going to start at a completely different spot in the content in an effort to give the kids a better understanding of our modern view of life on the planet.

The first year of the Spring Valley Outdoor Adventure Club is about to start as well...which gives me a "tingle in my innards" for sure.

So with all these plans, goals, aspirations, and interest outlets, I guess you can say that I'm more excited about this year than any of the previous years. Teachers are definitely underpaid for what they do on a daily basis...BUT...that doesn't make me any less thankful that I can continue to hone my craft at influencing and being influenced by all the great people at Spring Valley High School.

eggshells

Whenever you're near I get the feeling of crunching underfoot

Eyes fixed on you, and the surroundings, I trip and crack something with my shoe that sounds expensive...possibly even valuable

"What was that?" I wonder as I see your cheeks turn bright red and beads of sweat raise up on your forehead.

"What?" I ask "Did you hear that?"

And then it hits.

I look down to see shattered remnants of fragile feelings that were laid bare for me...for us...for love...

...and I wonder why I always seem to first discover these feelings by breaking them like eggshells.